What Does It Mean to Take Self-Responsibility?

I receive appreciation from another person. How would I feel?

The answer is: it depends. But on what?

How I feel depends on my needs in that moment.

I feel proud when I receive appreciation because I wanted to be acknowledged for my effort.

I feel annoyed when I receive appreciation because I wanted to receive feedback on how to improve.

I feel uncomfortable when I receive appreciation because I wanted the team to be acknowledged rather than just an individual.

The person's action is the same- appreciating me. But my reactions vary. Why is that? That is because a part of me is always interpreting another person's words and actions through the lens of my own needs. Because my needs are mine and mine alone, they are my responsibility.

Taking self-responsibility means taking full ownership of my experience- my needs that are expressed through my feelings, my judgments and my actions. It means fully understanding and accepting that what others say or do can be a stimulus for my reaction, but not the cause of what I feel, say or do.

What I feel, say or do is always because of my needs.